“You gotta learn to let go”… I have no idea where this song lyric is from but its been in my head all day. All week actually, as I am trying to learn to let go of this anger I have inside of me. I usually blog about happy things, about romance, about love. Maybe this is why I haven’t blogged in awhile. But lately, I have been just plain right angry. And not angry at Will. Its impossible to be mad at him for more than 20 seconds. But angry at everything else. Angry every time one of my friends gets pregnant “without even trying.” (yeah, sure, like its soooo effing easy). Angry that I feel guilty for taking time off of work to go to doctor appointments. And then angry at myself for letting other people stress me out. Let go, Plish. Let go of all this anger. It is just taking up space in your body. Space in your mind. And I have recently made peace with not being pregnant. False. That was a lie. I have recently occupied myself with other things (planning our summer trip to Seattle, getting ready for our new PUPPY (what!?!), going to barre classes 3-4 times a week). This has helped me out a lot. I am learning to love the present. Love how my life is now. But it is still hard when at my age, pregnancy is all around me. I have a good friend at work, who is about 20 weeks pregnant. She gave me a fertility bracelet that her mother had given her to wear when she was trying to conceive. On it was a small little charm that says “Believe” and as she handed it to me she said “you have to just believe that this baby will come one day.” She couldn’t of said it better. So to that I will learn to let go of anger and let peace and faith fill the place in my body where it once was.
